Beautiful show
Coming to terms with what happened.
Ever feel you know something is very wrong, but you do not know exactly what it is? I was in an abusive marriage but didn’t know it. It was psychological-emotional abuse. When problems started, I did what any wife would do. I put on my makeup and I smiled and tried to push through the issues. But things got worse.
Confiding in friends did not help at times, as awful behaviour was either explained away, dismissed or I was made the scapegoat and blamed for my husband’s behaviour. Emotion abuse is much harder to prove as there were no physical scars. The signs of my own depression and suicidal thoughts were pushed aside as me wanting attention rather than desperate cries for help. Counselling highlighted some other issues but saying sorry was useless without an actual change of behaviour. It felt like I was losing my mind in that marriage and everything seemed hopeless. I lost who I was. Emotionally torn apart 1 piece at a time, by the time I got out I didn’t recognise myself, I was utterly broken.
As sung in my song Beautiful show, (check out this link to hear the track https://linktr.ee/ggcreativearts) my turning point was when God reminded me of who I was and my value. I needed to educate myself on what emotional abuse was. It was on that journey that I understood his behaviour was actual abuse with some other issues on top. I put appropriate boundaries in place and in a final attempt to save the marriage. But it was clear that the marriage could not be saved because there was not a change of heart followed by repentance.
As a Christian this was the hardest traumatic thing, I had ever had to go through. This series of blog entries are here to help those who have walked or are walking a similar path.
The two things I would like you to take from this entry is:
1. Remember who you are.
As a Christian to hear from God that he sees me as His beloved Queen and thus should be loved and treated as such was a massive turning point. It saved my life.
You may need to go on a personal journey to see and accept your worth and value.
2. Educate yourself.
I did my research on emotional abuse. Your situation may be very different, but I would like to encourage you to go on a journey to find out what the problem is. You cannot fix what you don’t know is broken.
Here are some helpful links to get you started.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-men-who-are-being-abused.htm
Understanding abuse:
https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse?c=896894580710
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/
More from me soon.
Best wishes
