You have come to terms with the reality of domestic abuse, what do you do now?
Well, the good news is if you know what is wrong you can begin to address the problem.
But 1st make sure you are safe. Put the necessary boundaries in place. For some, it might mean leaving home, especially in an emergency. The links from my 1st post can aid you with this.
Boundaries are wonderful things. Here two great definitions I found:
‘Boundaries show where one thing ends and another begins. Boundaries in a relationship are kind of like this; they help each person figure out where one person ends and the other begins. In short, boundaries help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others.’ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-are-my-boundaries
‘Boundaries protect your personal self by setting a clear line between what is me and what is not me. A lack of boundaries opens the door for others to determine your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Defining boundaries is a process of determining what behavior you will accept from others and what you will not.’ https://roadtogrowthcounseling.com/importance-boundaries-relationships/
Here are two excellent books that I found really helpful:
Boundaries Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend ISBN-10: 0310351804 and
Boundaries In Marriage ISBN-10: 0310243149
If setting boundaries are new to you, I would also suggest some form of counselling individually and together with your partner (if the person is willing). If you are new to counselling the best way I can describe it is a way to address issues in a safe environment. The trained counselor will help the individual(s) to navigate difficult problems empowering them to make good choices. This will be a process.
Whatever the elephant in the room we all have issues which if not dealt with can affect our relationships.
There are many types of counselling you can choose from. We tried a few. The best was the one that did not assign blame to 1 person. Yes, domestic abuse is wrong and should never be tolerated. But, there was stuff to work on in both of us.
Choice is a powerful thing and no one can choose for you and you can not choose for your partner. Change starts with a choice to do so. It is maintained by choosing to do the right things over and over again. As a Christian, I believe the Holy Spirit helps you in that process but free will, will never be violated. We can only manage and change our behavior towards ourselves and others.
It takes bravery and courage to go on this journey. It can be painful and difficult but the rewards always outweigh the pain because of the promise of freedom at the end.
If you are thinking about counselling, here are a few helpful links to get you started:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/counselling/
https://www.restoringthefoundations.org/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling/christian/eng/london
If you have not heard the song you can hear it here:
https://linktr.ee/ggcreativearts
More from me soon
