Needed A Time out!

Hello Darlings,

I'm writing this post in the hopes that I reach someone or a group of people who have been struggling. I took a couple of months out. I didn't post on social media and I just took some time to look after myself.

It was around about the time of the Queen's jubilee strangely enough when everything seemed happy and joyous in the world that my mind was falling apart.

I was not OK. The truth be told I was making plans to end my life. I wrote a suicide note leaving some key things for people that I truly admired and cared about thanking them for the kindness that they had shown me.

In one last-ditch attempt for some hope, I went to church and thankfully spoke to somebody who understood depression and suicidal ideation. It didn't lift me out of the pit completely but the kindness from a few friends I confided in showed me that somebody actually cared.

Thankfully I had been seeing a psychologist who walked me through that dark time professionally I am happy to say my mental health is now in a good place.

It's easy to take people for granted when all they seem to see is your talent in my case my voice. But for those of you who have been struggling in silence, I'm reaching out to you today.

Please don't try to walk this fight alone. I understand it's difficult to find genuine people who would care not just by their words but by their actions. And especially for you now more than ever, I know that peoples' actions really do speak louder than words.

I would like to encourage you to see the GP, see a therapist, a counsellor, please look for the right person to be honest with. The truth is even people of faith get it wrong. Those who get it right are the ones who have walked in your shoes and so there is a natural empathy and love towards you. These are the people you need to find. When people don't understand your story, unless they've had some sort of professional training or are very good with people, or walked your walk, they could make matters worse. I would suggest checking them out with a checklist below to see if they could actually handle your story.

How do you find the right person? Good question! When you're speaking to someone before you pour out your heart to them observe how they treat you and other people. See how they handle the little information you give them initially. Observe how they treat it.

Here is a positive and negative checklist.

Negative:

For example, are they paying attention?

In a conversation, are they quickly trying to get rid of you?

Are they just quickly trying to fix you without understanding exactly what you need?

Are they just hungry for some juicy bit of gossip?

Are they expecting you to always chase them and maintain relationship with them on their terms?

Do they take more than they give?

Are you treated like somebody who they get round to, rather than somebody they genuinely care about and make time for?

Can I trust you?

Positive:

Do they genuinely seem to have time for you? Do they genuinely care?

Are they looking out for your interests and not just their own?

Are they really listening to you?

Do they call/make some form of contact from time to time?

The hard truth is people will always give their time and resources to that which they value most. Does that person do that for you?

Can I trust you?

During that dark time, I had to really look at my friends and family. For me, those who were safe were those that I could mostly genuinely answer yes to the positive list. The ones that answered yes to the negative list and no to trust, I did not let them know what was going on with me to protect my own heart.

let's not get it twisted, people are busy and they have lives. But those who genuinely do care and love you will sacrifice and make time for you. They will genuinely try to help when they can.

During this time, it is important that you look after yourself and that you understand what your soul your body is trying to tell you. Take time to listen.

For example, I hadn't been on holiday for eight years and there were a lot of circumstances that meant I could not go even though I could financially afford it. Not taking a break clearly took a massive toll on me.

So, I went on holiday for the first time in eight years. I was amazed at how much of a difference that made to me. I was really able to identify those who were really toxic to me. I put stricter boundaries around me to protect my heart and my mind.

I would suggest that you also observe the types of conversations you have with your friends. For example, if it tends to be negative and complaining that's not going to help your mental health, if you're already trying to overcome depression.

There is a saying that says that if you want to change your life be around those who are doing what you're not yet doing, and where you want to be. For example, if you are broke, hang around wealthy people. If you are single hang around married people. Leaning from their positive mindsets will change you for the better. You may need to go on a journey where you find people who are doing great things in their lives who are excited about life and especially excited about your growth and development too.

Those type of people will remind you who you really are, and encourage you to continue going forward. Their success should inspire you to see that anything is possible with God on your side and belief and faith in yourself.

The strange thing was my faith in God was not small at that time. What was attacking my mind was believing the lie that I was not valuable and nobody would notice if I disappeared. I don't know who's reading this but if you've ever felt like that, I want you to know that that feeling is a lie and you can break agreements with it.

Did you know that nobody has the same fingerprint either in history or in the future to come? God made you completely unique, and maybe your next bravest step is simply making it through the next hour. Or maybe to the end of this post. And you know what that is enough! You are enough!

Then let me be the first to say I'm proud of you. I believe in you there is always hope and help for you.

A summary of points to consider:

How is your physical body doing? Do you genuinely need a holiday? If you do, I will suggest going to a place which is completely different to your normal surroundings.

What is your friend or family circle like? Can you identify toxic people in your life that maybe you need to spend time less time with or even cut from your life?

Have you spoken to your GP to get some professional help?

Or considered going to a local church for some spiritual help?

Please talk to somebody don't try to fight this on your own.

From a compassionate heart.

Thank you for reading.