She felt my pain…
So Mother's day came and went and I was not ok. I was overwhelmed with sadness at my stage of life. During these types of holidays, we quickly forget those who may dread them. What about those who are struggling to conceive or can’t have children? What about those who escaped an abusive situation and didn’t have a child, or lost custody of their kids? What about missing children? What about those who lost a child or children? Or those who lost a mum or if their mum is alive they don’t have a good relationship with them?
I could go on but I fell into 2 of those categories and felt utterly alone. In truth some of my circle of friends just expect me to get over 14 years of disappointment and trauma in 9 months! Crazy right! Although I am making progress and moving forward, they fail to understand that not only am I trying to rebuild my life, I am also grieving and healing. Rebuilding a life is no small thing, e.g. finding your purpose, building a career, relocating, building your confidence, processing pain, and oh yes by the way all during a global pandemic!
I was very aware in my fragile state I needed to find the right person to talk to. Let's face it speaking to the wrong person will only amplify the damage and pain you are already feeling.
I opened up to a friend and I tried to hold back my tears and she did something very beautiful. She felt my pain. At that moment I did not feel alone. If you are reading this and you can relate to my post if you have not done so already, keep searching for the person who will feel your pain and allow you space and time to process it.
Here are some tips on how to do that:
Avoid sharing deep stuff with people you just met. Let's face it you don’t know them and you can’t be sure if they can be trusted yet.
With developing friendships discretely monitor how you feel when you leave their company. Are you energised, uplifted, drained, deflated, encouraged, or discouraged?
If the relationship is good with a healthy give and take, test the waters by gradually disclosing heart matters. Start small to see how they treat the information. I once test someone by telling them my difficulties with my brace. It was important to me, but the information was disregarded.
Give the relationship time to develop and grow not demanding more than what the relationship has the capacity for. I know my friend for over 25 years! But I am aware of her stage of life and I respect and honour that.
Don’t share your heart with unsafe people hoping that they have or may change. Until they have shown they can be trusted or safe, protect your heart.
These blog entries are inspired by my single Beautiful Show. If you have not heard the song yet you can hear it here:
https://linktr.ee/ggcreativearts
More from me soon
